Depressed?? Me, Depressed?? What, on earth do I have to be depressed about ~ you might ask??? I don't know ~ doesn't make sense ~ but the truth of the matter is ~ I have been depressed for months now. I called it "a funk" ~ I called it "down in the dumps" ~ I called it everything but what it is ~ DEPRESSION!!
But now, the truth has set me free!! That sounds so dramatic doesn't it?? I don't really think I was hiding from it, I really did think I was "down in the dumps." And that made absolutely no sense to me. How, could I be anything but joyful, happy and estactic that I was fortunate enough to retire and no longer had to march to the beating drum of school life ~ bells ringing, keeping you on schedule ~ petty gossip, just like in any school setting (probably from the beginning of time)and going to work when I didn't feel good because I was probably out of "sick time." But, the good far outweighed the times that were not so good at Cook Middle School. I had wonderful friends there. And I could jump up from my desk 30 times a day to impart my wisdom on any one of them. We laughed and cried and if you needed a hug, I could always find someone to give me one. So missing that part of school/work was a big adjustment for me.
If you have read any of my previous posts you know that I was totally involved in our yard, sweet peas blooming all over the place!! I slept in, read books, watched ALOT of tv and spent most every day alone and talking to myself and of course, the tv. Who else was I supposed to talk to?? I kept in touch with my friends from work and had lunch most Thursdays with my BFF Sandi, but basically I was alone.
My son Mike was the first one to say "Mom, what is the matter with you?" Then my daughter Tina started realizing that I had nothing much to say concerning what I had been doing and said "Mom, what is the matter with you?" Then my sister, Connie said "Are you okay?" And of course my answer was always, "I'm fine, I'm lazy is all." Which is true, I am lazy, but not usually this lazy.
So, what was making me feel "blue"? I had lost 30 lbs before I retired and by June I had gained it all back!! I felt terrible (hmmm, do you think gaining 30 lbs. could make you feel terrible??), healthwise (again, that nasty 30 lbs.) my blood pressure was up, my diabetes blood counts were also up and I had hurt my knee and both ankles were hurting!! As you can see I was a mess!!
By summer time I had let the yard go because we were on water restriction and the yard and my plants dried up and became a mess, I hadn't found a book that was the least bit interesting to me, I hadn't done 1 creative thing in months, my sister Connie (who is the other half of who I am) has a very close friend who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and she has been heartbroken for months now and when you love someone as much as I LOVE Connie, her pain becomes your pain. So, I finally realized I wasn't just "blue", "down in the dumps" or "in a funk" ~ I was depressed!!
Well, the good news is that I feel I can see light at the end of the tunnel (and, thankfully, it's not a train) it's a big message board, all lit up in beautiful colors of neon, put there by God (and my Mom & Dad) and it says ~
Have Faith ~ Have Hope ~
But now, the truth has set me free!! That sounds so dramatic doesn't it?? I don't really think I was hiding from it, I really did think I was "down in the dumps." And that made absolutely no sense to me. How, could I be anything but joyful, happy and estactic that I was fortunate enough to retire and no longer had to march to the beating drum of school life ~ bells ringing, keeping you on schedule ~ petty gossip, just like in any school setting (probably from the beginning of time)and going to work when I didn't feel good because I was probably out of "sick time." But, the good far outweighed the times that were not so good at Cook Middle School. I had wonderful friends there. And I could jump up from my desk 30 times a day to impart my wisdom on any one of them. We laughed and cried and if you needed a hug, I could always find someone to give me one. So missing that part of school/work was a big adjustment for me.
If you have read any of my previous posts you know that I was totally involved in our yard, sweet peas blooming all over the place!! I slept in, read books, watched ALOT of tv and spent most every day alone and talking to myself and of course, the tv. Who else was I supposed to talk to?? I kept in touch with my friends from work and had lunch most Thursdays with my BFF Sandi, but basically I was alone.
My son Mike was the first one to say "Mom, what is the matter with you?" Then my daughter Tina started realizing that I had nothing much to say concerning what I had been doing and said "Mom, what is the matter with you?" Then my sister, Connie said "Are you okay?" And of course my answer was always, "I'm fine, I'm lazy is all." Which is true, I am lazy, but not usually this lazy.
So, what was making me feel "blue"? I had lost 30 lbs before I retired and by June I had gained it all back!! I felt terrible (hmmm, do you think gaining 30 lbs. could make you feel terrible??), healthwise (again, that nasty 30 lbs.) my blood pressure was up, my diabetes blood counts were also up and I had hurt my knee and both ankles were hurting!! As you can see I was a mess!!
By summer time I had let the yard go because we were on water restriction and the yard and my plants dried up and became a mess, I hadn't found a book that was the least bit interesting to me, I hadn't done 1 creative thing in months, my sister Connie (who is the other half of who I am) has a very close friend who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and she has been heartbroken for months now and when you love someone as much as I LOVE Connie, her pain becomes your pain. So, I finally realized I wasn't just "blue", "down in the dumps" or "in a funk" ~ I was depressed!!
Well, the good news is that I feel I can see light at the end of the tunnel (and, thankfully, it's not a train) it's a big message board, all lit up in beautiful colors of neon, put there by God (and my Mom & Dad) and it says ~
Have Faith ~ Have Hope ~
Count Your Blessings ~
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!
So, for all that have been concerned about me ~ Thank you for your love and concern and being patient with me. I'm feeling much better, I'm working on my health and weight issues, I bought a new book that looks interesting, I have Christmas projects I want to get started on and I have my beautiful grandchildren to inspire me to want to live a LONG & HAPPY LIFE!! And don't forget, UCLA basketball season starts this month and everyone knows I'm a huge UCLA basketball fan!!
My thought to leave with you today is: Sometimes everything around you just seems off kilter, but if you're really lucky, a little 2 year old boy with glasses will give you kisses and lovies and tell you, "You're nice Grammy, you make me happy!" And it gives you pause to remember you are filled with blessings in your life. And to those of you who are reading this ~ YOU ~ are my blessings!! Thank you for your love!!
Until next time . . .
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!
So, for all that have been concerned about me ~ Thank you for your love and concern and being patient with me. I'm feeling much better, I'm working on my health and weight issues, I bought a new book that looks interesting, I have Christmas projects I want to get started on and I have my beautiful grandchildren to inspire me to want to live a LONG & HAPPY LIFE!! And don't forget, UCLA basketball season starts this month and everyone knows I'm a huge UCLA basketball fan!!
My thought to leave with you today is: Sometimes everything around you just seems off kilter, but if you're really lucky, a little 2 year old boy with glasses will give you kisses and lovies and tell you, "You're nice Grammy, you make me happy!" And it gives you pause to remember you are filled with blessings in your life. And to those of you who are reading this ~ YOU ~ are my blessings!! Thank you for your love!!
Until next time . . .
You are brave to write about how you've been feeling depressed. It's hard to admit a problem but that is the first step to finding a solution.A lot of people feel adrift after retirement. I"m glad you found some inspiration from the people who love you. You are an inspiration to us, also!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work. Be ready to Wii battle when I get there.