Just some random thoughts floating through my mind. For those of you that read of my bout with depression and voiced concern for me and my wacko mind, thank you for the kind words and wonderful messages of care for me. Maybe I made it seem too dramatic, I was just saying I was "down in the dumps" to a little higher degree than usual. I am now dealing with my medical issues and working on my weight issues and I'm feeling much better and will be back to feeling great in the near future.
Medical issues are so time consuming. I've been to Kaiser (my medical provider) so much lately I feel like a commuter. I've done a sleep study to see if I have sleep apnea (I do), next Monday I will do a treadmill stress test to see how my heart is doing (I personally don't think that test does much to tell how a woman's heart is doing, but I'll do it anyway), I had a breast exam today with mammogram to follow. I have some weird rash that "they" can't seem to figure out what it is and so now I will go see a dermotologist. The good part is that I have insurance, the frustrating part is that "they" don't seem to listen and hear what I'm saying.
Yesterday I went to the funeral of a friend of mine. She is the first one of my "contemporaries" to die. I met Eileen Resnikoff when she was a Resource teacher at my school. We hit it off with our weird personalities and paranoia about anything medical. We felt comfortable enough to tell each other stuff about what was worrying each of us and be able to laugh about how paranoid we were after.
She eventually became our Vice Principal and our friendship continued to grow.
She was transferred to another school and our contact remained strong for a long time and eventually came down to infrequent phone calls. Unfortunately, her worst thoughts came to be, she was diagnosed with breast cancer 18 years ago and started on a road that she couldn't get off of. She became the principal of a elementary school and was an outstanding advocate for her school, her teachers, her support staff and her students. Working while doing chemotherapy, never taking time for herself. She finally had to go on disability 5 years ago and try to fight the good fight without the distraction of work. She put up such a battle against cancer and lost her fight last Saturday with her family gathered around her. She left her husband of 32 years, Larry, her daughter Lisa and her husband Dave, twin grandsons that were just 2 years old and her son Joey who is in college.
She lived to see Lisa grown and married, she lived to have grandchildren, she lived to see Joey graduate from high school but I know she would have liked more.
I feel bad that I lost connection with her, that I wasn't as good of friend as I could've been. I told her that not too long ago, she said I had been a really good friend and to not give it a second thought. I wish I would've made the effort. Shame on me!!! I believe she's in a better place, that she looked down on all of us at her funeral and was pleased to have touched so many people in her life (and I'm sure we were the tip of the iceberg of how many people she touched). I will always remember the love that we shared for each other and think of her with a smile on my face.
One of the things I really have enjoyed for quite a while now is watching the little finches come and eat the bird seed I put out for them. My sister Connie started doing it last year and told me how fun it is to watch them. So, I got a "bird sock" ~ hung it from a tree ~ and waited ~ and waited ~ and waited. I was conviced Connie was hoarding all the finches in our neighborhood ~ BUT ~ eventually they found their way down to our house and it's not unusual to have 15 finches all gathered on the sock eating their seed. And they go through a lot of seed. I think half of it falls on the ground but I'm sure I'm helping to keep them alive through the winter!!
Today, I did something that I very rarely do. I went to a movie by myself. I went to see Michael Jackson's "This Is It." Call him a wacko, weirdo or tortured soul. BUT ~ also call him extremely talented. It was sad to watch because he was so thin and you know that he had a weird life and died in such a bizarre way. Music, dancing, performing and all the creative process that goes with all of that was JOY to him and showed while he was on stage. I'm glad I was able to see it and in my own small way feel I paid homage to Michael.
I'm sad to let you know that my sweet pea seeds have not produced any plants this fall and so I will not be having a sweet pea garden next year. To be successful, sweet peas should be planted in September/October. That was right in the middle of my "I don't care period" and so I just planted my seeds right in the ground at the beginning of November. Good lesson for me, I'll suffer in the spring but get my act together in September/October of next year!
As we all get ready to celebrate Thanksgiving and then cruise right into the Christmas season I'm hoping that since I no longer work I can enjoy the seasons a little more. I don't think having time will improve my cooking but you never know, miracles happen. The holiday season is when I especially miss my Mom and wish I would've appreciated the great meals she always made for us for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Talk about taking something and someone for granted!!! So let me wish all that read this mish mash of thoughts a Happy, Happy Thanksgiving!! Let me know what you are thankful for this Thanksgiving Day!! I know it's hard to post a comment here so write me at SherriSews@aol.com and share a memory, a recipe or anything that makes you happy about the season!!!
My thought to leave with you today is: We are BLESSED! Look at all that God provides for us - the beautiful leaves turning color, friendship you can trust and believe in - FAMILY to love!
Until next time . . .
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
When You Are Down & Out, Lift Up Your Head and Shout - I'm Depressed!
Depressed?? Me, Depressed?? What, on earth do I have to be depressed about ~ you might ask??? I don't know ~ doesn't make sense ~ but the truth of the matter is ~ I have been depressed for months now. I called it "a funk" ~ I called it "down in the dumps" ~ I called it everything but what it is ~ DEPRESSION!!
But now, the truth has set me free!! That sounds so dramatic doesn't it?? I don't really think I was hiding from it, I really did think I was "down in the dumps." And that made absolutely no sense to me. How, could I be anything but joyful, happy and estactic that I was fortunate enough to retire and no longer had to march to the beating drum of school life ~ bells ringing, keeping you on schedule ~ petty gossip, just like in any school setting (probably from the beginning of time)and going to work when I didn't feel good because I was probably out of "sick time." But, the good far outweighed the times that were not so good at Cook Middle School. I had wonderful friends there. And I could jump up from my desk 30 times a day to impart my wisdom on any one of them. We laughed and cried and if you needed a hug, I could always find someone to give me one. So missing that part of school/work was a big adjustment for me.
If you have read any of my previous posts you know that I was totally involved in our yard, sweet peas blooming all over the place!! I slept in, read books, watched ALOT of tv and spent most every day alone and talking to myself and of course, the tv. Who else was I supposed to talk to?? I kept in touch with my friends from work and had lunch most Thursdays with my BFF Sandi, but basically I was alone.
My son Mike was the first one to say "Mom, what is the matter with you?" Then my daughter Tina started realizing that I had nothing much to say concerning what I had been doing and said "Mom, what is the matter with you?" Then my sister, Connie said "Are you okay?" And of course my answer was always, "I'm fine, I'm lazy is all." Which is true, I am lazy, but not usually this lazy.
So, what was making me feel "blue"? I had lost 30 lbs before I retired and by June I had gained it all back!! I felt terrible (hmmm, do you think gaining 30 lbs. could make you feel terrible??), healthwise (again, that nasty 30 lbs.) my blood pressure was up, my diabetes blood counts were also up and I had hurt my knee and both ankles were hurting!! As you can see I was a mess!!
By summer time I had let the yard go because we were on water restriction and the yard and my plants dried up and became a mess, I hadn't found a book that was the least bit interesting to me, I hadn't done 1 creative thing in months, my sister Connie (who is the other half of who I am) has a very close friend who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and she has been heartbroken for months now and when you love someone as much as I LOVE Connie, her pain becomes your pain. So, I finally realized I wasn't just "blue", "down in the dumps" or "in a funk" ~ I was depressed!!
Well, the good news is that I feel I can see light at the end of the tunnel (and, thankfully, it's not a train) it's a big message board, all lit up in beautiful colors of neon, put there by God (and my Mom & Dad) and it says ~
Have Faith ~ Have Hope ~
But now, the truth has set me free!! That sounds so dramatic doesn't it?? I don't really think I was hiding from it, I really did think I was "down in the dumps." And that made absolutely no sense to me. How, could I be anything but joyful, happy and estactic that I was fortunate enough to retire and no longer had to march to the beating drum of school life ~ bells ringing, keeping you on schedule ~ petty gossip, just like in any school setting (probably from the beginning of time)and going to work when I didn't feel good because I was probably out of "sick time." But, the good far outweighed the times that were not so good at Cook Middle School. I had wonderful friends there. And I could jump up from my desk 30 times a day to impart my wisdom on any one of them. We laughed and cried and if you needed a hug, I could always find someone to give me one. So missing that part of school/work was a big adjustment for me.
If you have read any of my previous posts you know that I was totally involved in our yard, sweet peas blooming all over the place!! I slept in, read books, watched ALOT of tv and spent most every day alone and talking to myself and of course, the tv. Who else was I supposed to talk to?? I kept in touch with my friends from work and had lunch most Thursdays with my BFF Sandi, but basically I was alone.
My son Mike was the first one to say "Mom, what is the matter with you?" Then my daughter Tina started realizing that I had nothing much to say concerning what I had been doing and said "Mom, what is the matter with you?" Then my sister, Connie said "Are you okay?" And of course my answer was always, "I'm fine, I'm lazy is all." Which is true, I am lazy, but not usually this lazy.
So, what was making me feel "blue"? I had lost 30 lbs before I retired and by June I had gained it all back!! I felt terrible (hmmm, do you think gaining 30 lbs. could make you feel terrible??), healthwise (again, that nasty 30 lbs.) my blood pressure was up, my diabetes blood counts were also up and I had hurt my knee and both ankles were hurting!! As you can see I was a mess!!
By summer time I had let the yard go because we were on water restriction and the yard and my plants dried up and became a mess, I hadn't found a book that was the least bit interesting to me, I hadn't done 1 creative thing in months, my sister Connie (who is the other half of who I am) has a very close friend who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and she has been heartbroken for months now and when you love someone as much as I LOVE Connie, her pain becomes your pain. So, I finally realized I wasn't just "blue", "down in the dumps" or "in a funk" ~ I was depressed!!
Well, the good news is that I feel I can see light at the end of the tunnel (and, thankfully, it's not a train) it's a big message board, all lit up in beautiful colors of neon, put there by God (and my Mom & Dad) and it says ~
Have Faith ~ Have Hope ~
Count Your Blessings ~
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!
So, for all that have been concerned about me ~ Thank you for your love and concern and being patient with me. I'm feeling much better, I'm working on my health and weight issues, I bought a new book that looks interesting, I have Christmas projects I want to get started on and I have my beautiful grandchildren to inspire me to want to live a LONG & HAPPY LIFE!! And don't forget, UCLA basketball season starts this month and everyone knows I'm a huge UCLA basketball fan!!
My thought to leave with you today is: Sometimes everything around you just seems off kilter, but if you're really lucky, a little 2 year old boy with glasses will give you kisses and lovies and tell you, "You're nice Grammy, you make me happy!" And it gives you pause to remember you are filled with blessings in your life. And to those of you who are reading this ~ YOU ~ are my blessings!! Thank you for your love!!
Until next time . . .
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!
So, for all that have been concerned about me ~ Thank you for your love and concern and being patient with me. I'm feeling much better, I'm working on my health and weight issues, I bought a new book that looks interesting, I have Christmas projects I want to get started on and I have my beautiful grandchildren to inspire me to want to live a LONG & HAPPY LIFE!! And don't forget, UCLA basketball season starts this month and everyone knows I'm a huge UCLA basketball fan!!
My thought to leave with you today is: Sometimes everything around you just seems off kilter, but if you're really lucky, a little 2 year old boy with glasses will give you kisses and lovies and tell you, "You're nice Grammy, you make me happy!" And it gives you pause to remember you are filled with blessings in your life. And to those of you who are reading this ~ YOU ~ are my blessings!! Thank you for your love!!
Until next time . . .
Monday, November 9, 2009
Late Again! Happy Birthday to Joe!!
Happy Birthday to Joe!9 Years Old
on October 3, 2009
I cannot believe Joe is 9 years old. Isn't he so handome!!! Joe is our 2nd grandson and he's got a very artistic eye. Always has. He's very creative in a lot of different ways ~ he the first to try a goofy move on the trampoline ~ he's great at the game of Blokus because he can see the different shape of tiles in an unusual way ~ anything to do with art is always very interesting ~ always has been very good at puzzles ~ he played a great infielder in the Peanuts little league this year.
When Joe was born the doctors discovered he has a problem with his heart and needed surgery. He had heart surgery when he was a little over a year old and he's never had any kind of health problem since. He has a scar on his back and it just grows as Joe does.
We called him Joey when he was little - progressed to Joe Joe a few years ago and now's he just Joe. He does very well in school and is learning to play the piano and is a Weeblo scout. As you can see he's a very busy boy but we get to see him every week and always wonder what the boy with the twinkling blue eyes is going to surprise us with!!
My thought to leave with you today is: I've said it before but time seems to fly watching your grandchildren grow up ~ Remember to stay involved, be interested in what they are interested in and always remind them that you are always close by if they need you.
Until next time . . .
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